10 times I started from creative scratch
It’s still a new year even if it’s not the new year, & new starts are on my mind. I know a lot of folk make resolutions, I personally consider my birthday my very own new year, & make new starts all the time, mostly of my own choosing, but sometimes, as life has it, not. For anyone making a new start at the moment, here’re 10 times I did, what came out of it, & what I learned:
After I left my manager(s) in my teens — I went to Guildhall & had formative experiences with tutors & peers that are still paying off even now. I learned to trust my instincts.
After a couple of artists I’d worked with in my teens called my music ‘too eccentric’ & the hit on me (go figure!), I learned to find musicians who wouldn’t.
After Guildhall (1) — I didn’t think I could look at another composition ever again! I boxed the ones I’d written those last four years & stored them away somewhere I wouldn’t see it & told myself I never had to go back to that if I didn’t want to. I learned that I did want to, but on the condition that 1) I also got to use words & 2) I figured out what I sounded like (something I didn’t have time for while studying as the coursework kept dropping in).
After Guildhall (2) — I agreed with myself to live on as little money as possible for a couple of years & spend as much time as possible figuring out what I sounded like. I learned that taking unpressured time to experiment was an investment.
After a band I was in collapsed — I sat on the kitchen steps of my then flat with music & journals sprawled out everywhere, writing new material & collecting old material to continue performing with, while the rest of the band disbanded in a pub somewhere. I applied for a Masters to bide time. I made new friends, learned new things, played new venues. I learned that it really is true that sometimes the seeds of victory are sewn in defeat.
After a commercial music-making venture ended — I resurrected music I’d written a decade earlier, wrote more music around that, & turned it into the Our Lady of Stars/Books of Hours album/book. I learned that the resources, equipment, & money to start over can come from places you can’t see yet.
After my Taylor Swift-style ‘Reputation' era’ ;-) — I turned around & saw how brightly my other groups of friends shone. I learned to bypass cliques.
After a post-operative ground-zero - I wrote process compositions & calculated their components in the garden; I learned how to compose auditory illusions, read up on symbology, & started linking these things together. I learned to mend my nets when I can’t go out to sea.
After (or rather, in?) the post-Covid fallout — I decided to be as creative as I possibly could. I made a radio programme, took commissions for compositions & sound design, & brought photography into my practice. I learned the one thing I will never be short of is ideas.
… & yes, this is on my mind as I am starting over again … what am I doing? — I am submitting to publishers - I have a book with a typesetter as I type - I am booking a tour, I am meeting musicians to record with, I am making my EP’s, I am planning projects I always wanted to bring to life, I am taking photos, I am having photos taken (!), I am writing this blog. I am not sure what the outcome of any this will be, or what the ultimate learned thing will be for this round… maybe nothing! But for now I am learning that my creative life is like rivulets that find their way into a flow of sorts regardless of what’s in their way… as I keep saying to myself, you get your choices back.
I love hearing what unexpected forms ashes rearrange themselves into, I find it really encouraging, & I’d love to hear yours if you have them, it always amazes me how things can come together.